New Year, Intentional You!
Every year, on the 31st of December and leading up to it I start to feel this knot in my chest. It’s the same feeling I get leading up to my birthday each year, or on Sunday nights before work on Monday. It’s this feeling that something has to change. It feels like Anxiety about a beginning. It feels both like a fresh start and a terrifying reality that I can in fact start again. And maybe it will be different this time.
Eat healthier
Join a workout program
Journal daily
Drink 8 glasses of water a day
Wake up at 5am
Read 50 pages of a book
Manage my money better
Start a new hobby
While this initially feels good, to know I can start over. Soon, the terrifying reality that I will inevitably run out of the motivation that I have right now starts to surface. I know I will slowly lose steam, start feeling guilty, and crawl back into my old habits, only to gain that same momentum next Sunday, or next month, or next year. All I end up doing is watching myself cycle in and out of mean thoughts, low energy, lack of motivation and persistent shame that I am not like everyone else.
Spoiler Alert: no one is like everyone else. It’s all an illusion to make you feel bad for not buying things, not participating in things, or (god forbid) choosing not to change anything at all.
So why can’t we change? What’s the thing that keeps us from losing the weight, or sticking to a new hobby?
Well for starters, we live in cultures that profit off of our misery.
The only way the gym subscriptions and “Build a 100k business in 30 days” courses sell is if you believe other people are better than you and they did it in half the time. These suggested “goals” and “resolutions” are not based on fact, they are arbitrary ideas someone thought of in a marketing boardroom to sell products. If someone can make you feel like you are wasting your time existing just the way you are, of course you’re going to jump at the opportunity to be someone else.
Secondly, we are choosing our goals and resolutions based off of what we have been told makes us “likeable”.
If other people like us we can then be deemed valuable or worthy too. And its not your fault for wanting that, because everything around us is curated for people who exist in very particular ways. if you’ve ever had to shop in a plus-size section or look for products for hair kinkier than a 4a, you’d know you were not the target market. The downside of picking things based off of our capacity to be acceptable to others, is that our internal self is not in on the decision.
Part of existing fully in your mind-body means getting acquainted with the messages you are receiving from yourself. If we are not looking inwards to determine what works best for us rather than what “should” work best for us we are far more likely to give up AND blame ourselves for not living up to these really arbitrary standards.
What would it be like to not become a “new” you, but rather nurture this version of you so much that you can identify what methods for tackling these “resolutions” are actually aligned with who you are?
What would it be like to consider how you feel in your body rather than what it looks like? Who told you this version wasn’t okay? Choose your methods for moving your body based off of joy rather than punishment.
How about tackling your relationship with money by finding out what traumas are associated with your current money habits? Are you cutting out social activities that help you feel loved and bring you joy? Are you spending money to keep up with others?
Who told you journaling daily will help? Why did you pick that particular amount? Do you even like writing?
Are you a morning person? Do you do your best work in the morning? Or will a 5am wake up time just cause you to crash in the middle of your day and have to work later?
These are just examples, but consider how you can be more intuitive through having compassion for this version of you. Maybe you don’t need to be new. You could just be you, and have a better listening ear for the subtle cues of your internal self.
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So let’s pretend you’re ready to find out what actually works for you rather than what you’ve been told should work for you. Where do you start? It wouldn’t be a Healing Corner Blog Post without the journal prompts now would it ;)
Think about a resolution or goal you have this year (alternatively think back on a past goal, Just one!) Now write it down;
What is the reason behind this goal/resolution? (Get honest with yourself, was this decided by you? Or by a desire to exist in a way that others — and maybe even you — would find acceptable?)
What is your biggest fear, or worry if you DON’T achieve this goal? (I know you feel the urge to write down nothing, but I encourage you to dig deeper. What will happen if you don’t achieve this? What will change about how you see yourself, who you are, how others see you etc.)
What happens if you DO achieve it? (Who do you become, what changes about all the things you wrote down in prompt 3?)
Now close your eyes and take a deep breathe… (take it for real right now before you keep reading)
Consider what happens if you change nothing. If you set no goal or resolution this year. — just take a moment to figure out what sensations come up internally.
Take another deep breathe, take in where you are, who you are, and that you are allowed to exist as you see fit in this moment. You may go on to set some goals for 2024. Maybe you decide you don’t want to. Either way, if you’re interested in having more discussion about these very prompts, heck if you just want someone to listen to what you found out from this exercise and do it with others perspectives, Join our January FREE Group Support Space where we’ll be “QUESTIONING THE NEW YEAR WITH A NEW YOU”
You don’t have to change your life every year. All parts of you are okay in any version.