Is it me? Or is it Imposter Syndrome?

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you were questioning your capacity? Your expertise or experience? Your “enough-ness”? Maybe finding yourself thinking, I can’t believe I got this job, its only a matter of time before they find out that I can’t do this! Or maybe it looks like not feeling Queer enough because you haven’t been in a “Queer-looking” relationship… Well me too! In fact most recently, my own imposter experience has come back after years of working through it.

At the very top of my Imposter Syndrome symptoms is the thought that “I’m really good at making it look like I’m doing something great when really I’m not.” — When I examine the mental health consequence of this I noticed my body’s desire to shut down. Along with daily panic about what’s next, I retreated from opportunities and spent a large amount of time planning to take the next step but not truly doing it.

So what is Imposter Syndrome anyway?

Imposter Syndrome was a term coined by Psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes. It refers to the experience of doubting your skills, or abilities and can often be manifested as a fear of being “found out” by others. A lot of the time, the emphasis is placed on the person experiencing the Imposter Syndrome “changing” rather than on the cultural and historical contexts that facilitate its existence.

Imposter Syndrome thrives on people feeling inadequate and deciding not to pursue opportunities or do the things they truly desire. And who does it serve if you don't quit your shitty job to start your own business, or you don't speak up about homophobia or racism in your workplace? You guessed it, *Capitalism*. If we think about it, of course people with privileged identities have Imposter Syndrome. The difference between them and people who have less or no privileges, is that they see people like them in high places, they have their environment reinforce their capacity to do something and they are actively able to work through this feeling.

So what do I do about it then?

Look, it sucks. Imposter Syndrome infiltrates all the parts of your resilience and makes you feel small, unworthy and as if nothing will ever work out in your favor. If you are a person of color, a queer person, a person with a disability or hold any other marginalized identity, our contexts will rarely allow you to experience reprieve from this experience. But, I want to encourage you to think about what the feeling might be telling you. We can use “Imposter Syndrome” as a tunnel to our unconscious and somatic experience.

5 questions to get acquainted with your Imposter Syndrome experience:

1. What stereotypes do I hold about my identities and where did I learn these? are these threatening my capacity to see myself as worthy?

2. What is my context (my work/school life & colleagues, my home life & family, my friends etc.) telling me about my worthiness or abilities?

3. What does my self talk look like when I make a mistake or get difficult feedback from others?

4. When I experience good fortune, accomplishments or positive experiences what is my reaction? Why is this my reaction?

5. What would I tell a friend experiencing these same feelings? What makes it hard to tell myself these things?

Overall, the lesson here is to be curious about your Imposter Syndrome. Ask what purpose it is serving for you. We are all part of a larger system, and our experiences are molded by what we've been taught and told. This means you can change these things!